March 31, 2023
I am undone by the love of God again. I heard Him speak early this morning. He said, “Ask for the moon.” When I awoke momentarily a short time later, this song was in my heart: “Would You let me love You more? This is all that I desire.”
I got out of bed later than usual this morning because I was not feeling well. Instead of feeling guilty about being late for my morning secret place meeting with the Lord, I knew that He was not holding it against me, so neither should I.
When I went in to meet with Him, I began thanking Him as I always do for the many gifts He has given me – so many good gifts, such as our little family and home, and our friends, but the foremost of which is salvation and reconciliation to Him by the blood of His precious Son, my Jesus. That alone made me weep. I thanked Him that He called me out of darkness into more and more marvelous light, delivered me and transferred me into the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom I have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. And that He did this even when I was much like Gomer, a faithless bride.
While I was yet a sinner, He died for me. While I was still a blasphemer, He followed me, protected me, and cared for me. While I was faithless, He was faithful and intervened in my life in the most dramatic way.
Then I recalled what He had said to me this morning, and began to ask Him for certain things that are on my heart: the job I interviewed for yesterday; health and strength for myself and my brothers and sisters; love, light, warmth, unity, and beauty for certain ones He has placed on my heart for daily intercession.
But when I began to worship Him to the song he had placed in my heart early this morning, I became wrecked by His love. To comprehend that He would say those words to me – to ask for anything I want from Him and He would give it – made my mind run through all the things I could have and settle on this One Thing: HIM. All I really want is more of Him. Would You let me love You more, God?
I have noticed a change in me in the past 6 months or so since I went through deliverance. Obsessive rumination about myself – cycles of thought that I could not break out of – are gone. I used to have thoughts that I described as “scripting,” compulsive imaginations about conversations I might have in the future. It was especially pronounced before a job interview.
But before yesterday’s interview, my imaginations were dramatically different than they used to be. Every time I imagined speaking to my interviewers, I heard myself testifying to the goodness of God and how He made Himself real to me. I heard myself telling of how He moved on my heart three and a half years ago and all the ways He has changed me since then. And I realized then that I barely recognize myself now because He has made me love Him more than anything else. And all I really want is to love Him even more.
I understand that if He places me in this work position, many more good gifts may come, but my purpose there will be to demonstrate a life that follows Him – the same purpose for which He has placed me in my current position.
So yes, Lord. I will ask for the moon, but the most beautiful thing that shines on me in the night is You. I ask for more of You. Would You let me love You more?
This is the reward of those who diligently seek Him, seek Him as silver and gold. The reward of Him is more of Him. Would You let me love You more, Lord?
Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.
- John 16:24
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
- Matthew 7:7-11
And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.
- 1 John 5:14-15
But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. . . But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.
- Hebrews 11:6, 16
yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.
- Proverbs 2:3-5