October 17, 2022
For so long I have wanted to hear Him speak again. Two mornings ago, I heard the voice of the Lord as I was coming awake. He said, “1 Peter 1:4.” I went into the secret place, and since lately it is sometimes difficult to read my beloved print Bible, I opened Bible Gateway on my browser. The verse of the day was Jeremiah 29:11:
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.
1 Peter 1:4 says,
to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you,
The Lord was reminding me in the midst of my trial that I have been born again to a living hope that is not in this world. There is something very comforting in knowing that I am just a sojourner here.
But Saturday was warfare like I have not seen since Jesus stole my heart three years ago. (Incidentally, I believe the anniversary of that event was yesterday, Sunday. I’m sure this timing is not a coincidence.) An undercurrent of anxiety in me finally exploded, and in the end I fell into despair. Thoughts I will not speak of came to mind. It was a full-blown assault from the enemy. A friend texted me, but I didn’t respond. I had an image of me urgently setting up a perimeter around myself like a poisoned well. I didn’t want anyone coming near and getting sick.
Last night (which was Sunday night), I was home alone and falling asleep I heard Him say, “Squandered by haste.” I began falling back into sleep and I became aware of a fuller message: “Be strong in My strength, and do not let your inheritance be squandered by haste.” I got out of bed and wrote it down. I meditated on what it means. And it means, “Do not hurry in the secret place. Tarry with Me.” It means to slow down, generally. It means to pause when I feel the urge to make a purchase, like the secondhand desk I bought, which fell apart as we tried to move it Saturday and was the final tipping point, my breaking point.
My inheritance is the peace of Christ that rules in my heart, and I have it now, in this earthly tent. This precious peace I have squandered, and I’ve done so through fear. I now realize that fear in me causes haste. I must not squander my inheritance by haste.
For a couple months now, I have felt like I am trying to get the Lord’s attention, waving my arms and my flags, giving Him offerings of worship and waiting for Him to speak to me. I was battle weary yesterday, but on my face at church in worship, I felt Him say, “I am not your earthly father. I am not going to ignore you when you try to get My attention and approval.” And last night He followed through because He is faithful to His word. Like a good Father, He corrected me and instructed me. I am so grateful for His correction, His wisdom, His guidance, His voice, His mercy, and His love. This morning, I was in the secret place at 2:00 a.m. because I will not squander my inheritance by haste in the secret place.
Holy Spirit, let this word transform me. I need Your help.