[From May 21, 2022]
When the Lord made a move on my heart in the fall of 2019 that Sunday at Zion Church when we were in the living room, I wept for two hours in deep repentance. I begged the Lord to remove the stump of alcoholism that had so deeply taken root in me and to make me want him more than I ever want anything again. It took time for me to surrender, but He has answered that prayer and so much more.
Lately I've been thinking about how He romanced me in the first year following that encounter. I met with Him nearly every day in the garden. It was already planted for me - a place of beauty, rest, and repeated encounter. There was no work involved, just surrender. Just love, light, bloom, fragrance, and fruit. The following year, the work began. Death came, and seeds dropped into the ground, including myself as I longed to go deeper and deeper both into the ground and into His presence, and He came in closer than ever.
You know, the original plan was not for us to just watch the garden grow. The plan was for us to steward it and to tend it. Sometimes pain towers tall. We cut it down, but it leaves a stump that is impossible for us in our own strength to remove. Last fall, He uprooted one of the deepest stumps of pain of all my life. I could see the good, soft soil we'd been tilling (He and I) fall into and fill the hole it left in my heart. I began having visions of good soil and green grass as He was restoring me back to his original plan. I saw a thick stream of blood run down from the foot of the cross and seep into the earth, with sweet grass springing up from the blood-soaked ground. Take me into Your garden, Lord. Let me be more and more deeply rooted in You, wrapped around You. Deeper still, Jesus. More. More than anything, I want more of You.
I had all
But given up
Desperate for
A sign from love
Something good
Something kind
Bringing peace to every corner of my mind
Then I saw the garden
Hope had come to me
To sweep away the ashes
And wake me from my sleep
I realized
You never left
And for this moment
You planned ahead
That I would see
Your faithfulness in all of the green
I can see the ivy
Growing through the wall
'Cause You will stop at nothing
To heal my broken soul
Faith is rising up like ivy
Reaching for the light
Hope is stirring deep inside me
Making all things right
Love is lifting me from sorrow
Catching every tear
Dispelling every lie and torment
Crushing all my fears
Now I see redemption
Growing in the trees
There's death and resurrection
In every single seed
- Kari Jobe, The Garden